I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
