I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
