this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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