i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
