So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
