A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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