so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
