if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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