If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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