is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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