Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
