A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
