i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
