i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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