I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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