Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
