I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
