just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
