So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
