and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm like, not good at living.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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