The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
