Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
