my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
