Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
