So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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