You smell like a Billy Joel song
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
