well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
