'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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