We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
