You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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