I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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