When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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