I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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