don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
