Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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