I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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