she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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