I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
