Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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