I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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