I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
