so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
