we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
