Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
