I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's great music for shaving your balls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
