As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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