She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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