my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
