shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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