hotel room ftw
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can Purell be used as lube?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
