Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
