Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
