make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
