So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
