He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my shit smells like andre
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
