just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
