3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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