saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
