You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
