The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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