NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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