it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
