I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dick has a subreddit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
